For me this was the key to further integration in my body. After the therapy, I started to think about my youth a lot, about my personality and the family I grew up into. When falling into my body, I reconnected the rope where it was severed. I saw how I fell down, as if I was a wooden doll and I grabbed onto a rope that went straight to my brain. During the EFT I focused on: I'm making contact with my body. I'm still amazed how my subconscious mind translated the issues for me. The week after that I made another huge leap, during the therapy session I really reconnected with my body. After these 3 days, I felt very relieved, like the clouds had retreated and cleared. While this may sound very negative, it was a milestone for me, i felt like I was dealing with my own feelings, and that felt good.
After the third session I had a very bad week, like I could not bear all the emotions. With Ben, I got insight in how my mind and more importantly my spirit works. In the next 4 sessions, we treated the symptoms and my "traumatic garbage". I felt improvement very directly and immediately, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Ive had 5 sessions with Ben, where we first treated my biggest trauma, the first hash brownie. Sometimes the clouds would clear for a very short moment, and would feel some emotions shortly, this was at most a second long. This something felt like a thick cloud, a turbulent storm that made my life into a hell. There was "something" between me and my body. It felt like I was distanced from my body, and as if I was not in control of my body. I started to look for a therapist specializing in DP/DR, and I found Ben Meijer.
After quite some searching, I figured out I have DP/DR. DP/DR became too much for me to bear, so I started actively searching what in the world it could be. I went to my GP and he had no idea what it was, so I ended up with talking to the mental health emergency services, who told me my situation was not serious enough because "I did not feel depressed, angry, or sad enough". Everything became more difficult and I got panic attacks regularly because I had no idea what was happening to me. From this moment, I really started to experience serious depersonalization/derealization. I was stuck in the brain fog until I started blowing and I got into a serious fight with my father. This brain fog stayed around for a while. The second time everything became much more personal and it went a lot worse. The first time it went Ok, and I actually enjoyed myself. This stayed until I decided to try truffles. This time the mist did not lift, I spent the next year and a half with brain fog, some days were worse than others, some days were pretty mild. The day after I had serious brain fog again, and after the previous experience I was not worried, because the first time it had cleared by itself in about a week. After a week, the mist lifted and I was Ok until a few months later, when I decided to smoke some weed with some of my friends. This lasted a week, during which I imagined the craziest possible causes. The next day I had serious brain fog, I had the feeling all my thoughts were in a mist, I could not find them. I spent 4/5 hours laying in bed sweating from pure fear.
Once I got home, in bed, I started to feel real bad and panicky. The effect did not kick in immediately, but on the way home I started to notice it. Two years ago I ate a hash/weed brownie at a friend of mines house, by accident, I had no idea there was any weed/hash in the brownie.
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